Moms Morning Mingle
March 2023
Fact: Time with friends fills one’s cup immensely in countless ways.
Also fact: Time with friends is really hard to schedule. Who else feels this?🙋♀️
Perhaps your waking hours look something like this: Mornings are bonkers, then you work all day (paid or unpaid), the after-school-until-bedtime block is its own all-consuming entity, and at night you take on family planner/online shopper, kitchen and house tidier, and perhaps you are even moonlighting to tie up loose ends from your day job. Then, on a rare occasion there’s time to connect with a spouse, pursue a hobby, watch a show, or get a full night’s sleep. (To be clear, these last things should also be priorities and not left to chance, however they are not what this post is specifically about—perhaps that’s a future post.)
In the above scenario, scheduling time with friends can feel like it may not happen until you find yourself retired and with an empty nest. But, there is so much goodness that comes from time with friends—for you personally and, believe it or not, also for your family and maybe even for your community!
Right friends, right time
When you find the right friends they lift you up, help you see you are not alone, remind you of your strengths, increase your social connectedness, add to your ideas and thinking, invite you to experience new things, fill you in on community news and happenings, share their good hobbies with you, and, in the parenting world especially, form the village that helps you raise your kids. The role of friends is not trivial—it is foundational to thriving and it deserves a reliable slot in your life alongside the many other priorities filling the schedule.
A while back I wrote about the 5-minute phone call for connecting with those far away or whose schedules don’t align for in-person hangs. Shortly thereafter the New York Times wrote a similar (and perhaps slightly more research-based) piece which further validated this low commitment, high-yield strategy for staying connected with long-distance friends. But, for those nearby, in your community I’d like to introduce the Morning Moms Mingle—a brief time, ideally with a favorite warm morning beverage in hand, to gather after the morning rush and before getting consumed by the rest of the day.
About a year ago I noticed a nugget of time in my day that I’ve since claimed as sacred. I am home from dropping off my kids at 8:15 am and while I could start the work day right then, it is reasonable for me to start at 9 am and if I do so there is a 30-45 minute nugget of time I get to call my own. Sometimes this means taking the time to drink my coffee in peace while reading the New York Times or listening to a podcast or audiobook. Sometimes, it looks like walking home from school drop-off the long way to get some extra fresh air, sunshine, and steps. Sometimes it looks like organizing a drawer or doing a chore that’s been nagging me. And on some of my favorite days it is a Morning Mom’s Mingle—a very casual gathering at my house or a friend’s house that starts after drop-off and ends promptly at 9 am when the rest of the day starts.
What a Mom’s Mingle Is and Isn’t
The idea of a morning mingle is that
a) it is minimal work for the host,
b) guests show up however they are, and
c) while there you connect and talk to friends—maybe even meet some new ones, and c) when it’s over, everyone gets on with their day.
It can be moms, it can be parents, it can be single 20-something friends who gather before work or school. In any case there are a few ground rules to make this work for the most people:
Dress code. Wear whatever you need to be wearing for what you are doing next whether it’s commuting to the office, going to the gym, or working from home in sweats and a fancy blouse.
Open-house style schedule. Within the short time-frame of a morning mingle, come when it works for you. A five minute hello before hitting the road to work is just as acceptable as staying for the whole time. The host also has carte blanche to end the party so they can switch into their next gear, too. Bottom line: there are no time expectations and asking people to leave is not considered rude.
BYOB. Bring your own beverage is a totally acceptable format for this because the priority is to connect. If providing food or coffee creates a barrier to hosting—remove it. That being said, having coffee or treats is never a bad idea either.
Meet your friends where they are. Pick a convenient, accessible location around where people are or are going anyway. This may be someone’s house or a few tables at a coffee shop near school, an office, a gym, etc…And if it is your house, try not to pressure yourself to do a full house clean. Normalize making it ok for people to walk into a house that is well lived in, as it should be.
Keep a schedule, change up your host. To make sure the events actually happen it is best to choose a day/week when these occur so people can mark their calendars and plan around them. Having rotating hosts can be a great way to mingle friends and bring fresh faces to each gathering.
Be mindful of who can’t make it. Like many things, unfortunately a morning mingle isn’t feasible for everyone. As a former teacher, I recognize that this model is not inclusive for teachers and other jobs and professions that are not inherently flexible. In these cases hopefully you can find that special nugget of time in your waking hours to connect with friends and fill your cup.
Keep it simple. Having a mom’s mingle is better than not having a mom’s mingle so whatever needs to be done, or perhaps more importantly not done, to make it happen should take precedence.
There’s no time like the present so start planning your moms mingle—let me know how it goes!